I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
