Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
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I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
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We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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