oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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