you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
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