Small penises have feelings too.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
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I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
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Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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