Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
