I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
