man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
