Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Randomize
