Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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