grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
