3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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