you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
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