can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
