tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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