apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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