Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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