what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
