Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
