there's paper in my vomit.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
