Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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