he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
