Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
my liver is dry heaving
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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