Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
