I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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