her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Randomize
