ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
do nipples grow back?
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