why didn't you poke me back
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Randomize
