I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Randomize
