First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
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