They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
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I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
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I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
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