Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
God I need to hump something, right now.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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