y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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