This girl is more easily done than said...
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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