"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
