i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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