Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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