Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
You have to summon your inner elephant
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
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