lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I just want nice things and good sex
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
