I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
You were trust falling into bushes
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
