I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
