Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
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