So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
