My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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