Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
