I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
