And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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