i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
