We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
