The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
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Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
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Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.