More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
