remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
These 21 Drunks Said The Darndest Things
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
These 25 Irresponsible People Blew All Their Cash On Drugs, Booze, & Sex
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.