I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
