I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
