Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
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