the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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