Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
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