I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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