i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
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I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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