Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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