My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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