Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I need a burrito and a hug.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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