angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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