he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Randomize
