Someone shit on the floor
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
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her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
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my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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