I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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