I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
