I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
