We're like a lot better than the average bears
Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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